Around May, I started letting out loud, prolonged sighs in the newsroom at the Johnson City Press.
I’d fall back in my desk’s swivel chair, point my eyes to the ceiling and call forth a monotonous groan of sheer existential dread.
It was so loud that my editor, whose office is located right behind my desk, could hear it through his closed door.
Eventually, these sighs evolved into little phrases. “Oh brother,” I’d say as I stared at an empty word document on my computer, getting ready to write another article about how the COVID-19 outbreak had wrecked the economy or threatened the public health of the region.
“Good God,” I’d say aloud as I saw a new batch of COVID-19 case totals were released by the Tennessee Department of Health.
In general, these little phrases were all pretty negative, so I’ve decided that I need to come up with a positive catchphrase that I can lean on when I’m feeling down about the current state of world affairs.
RuPaul Charles, the drag icon and host of “RuPaul’s Drag Race,” told NPR’s Terry Gross in March that he likes to end each of his shows with a mantra — some positive aphorism that highlights the importance of self-care and finding your personal truth.
“If you can’t love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else?” RuPaul said.
I’m looking for something a little punchier than that.
Lately, I’ve been saying “hoo doggy” a lot, but that fell by the wayside when Robert Houk sent me a 10-hour YouTube video of Jed Clampett from “The Beverly Hillbillies” saying “Weee Doggie” on repeat.
My coworkers have also been throwing around suggestions.
So far I’ve heard “that’s a spicy meatball,” “hot dog,” “mamma mia,” “I’d buy that for a dollar” and Luigi’s win celebration from Mario Kart 64: “Imma Luigi, No. 1.”
Unfortunately, none of these suggestions have really set my soul on fire, and many of them are simply classic catchphrases that other pop culture icons have already popularized.
I need something unique to David Floyd that really matches my personal brand, which I think most people can agree is typified by general awkwardness and absurdity.
That brings me to my main message of this column: I need your help to come up with a cool catchphrase, guys. A brief family-friendly slogan is good, but I’ll also take a strange sound — kind of like how Tim Allen is known for his confused “HUUUUUUUHHHHH?”
Send suggestions to email@example.com.