DEAR MOVING ON: Have a private conversation with the friend who went to bat for you. Tell him you appreciate what he did, but when your boss refused the raise you asked for — after several years of no increase at all — you realized you were no longer valued by the company. Explain that when you went job-hunting you were offered far more than you have been earning, and this will be a step up for you. It doesn’t have to mean the end of your relationship with him or the others who care about you. It might stimulate him to go job-hunting, too.
DEAR ABBY: Years ago I was sexually assaulted by a friend of a friend. I’ll call the man Pete and the friend Katie. I immediately told Katie about it, and we didn’t hang out with Pete much after that. Life went on, and I forgot about it. I recently learned that Katie is engaged to Pete now. They are living in another state, and she asked for my address so she can send me an invitation to their wedding. I’m not planning on attending, but how should I tell her I’m not coming? We haven’t been close in years, but she was a bridesmaid in my wedding. Should I just send the RSVP card back with a “no,” or should I let her know upfront? — CAUGHT OFF GUARD IN VIRGINIA
DEAR CAUGHT: I assume that after Katie marries the “friend” who sexually assaulted you, your relationship will be over. While you may have repressed the memory until now, I find it hard to believe that all three of you had an attack of amnesia. There’s no need to contact her at this point to remind her of what her fiance is capable of. Just say no. If she contacts you to ask why, explain it to her then.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.