Johnson City Press Wednesday, October 22, 2014

Out of My Head

Voters Speak: iron token out, cat token in; players beware

February 18th, 2013 9:09 am by Jan Hearne

And the winner is “the cat.”
Hasbro, maker of the Monopoly board game, announced recently the iron token is getting the old heave-ho and will be replaced with a cat. Not just any cat, mind you, but a token based on a rescued cat. So, the game gets a face lift and an infusion of goodwill at the same time. PETA is happy, anyway. The Scottie dog token is unavailable for comment.
In the Facebook vote — Facebook users are notorious cat lovers — the cat earned 31 percent of the votes, beating out its competitors: a robot (who early on appeared to be a crowd favorite), a diamond ring, a helicopter and a guitar.
An Associated Press story said, “The results were announced after the shoe, wheelbarrow and iron were neck and neck for elimination in the final hours of voting that sparked passionate efforts by fans to save their favorite tokens, and by businesses eager to capitalize on publicity surrounding pieces that represent their products.”
The cat joins the shoe, thimble, top hat, race car, wheelbarrow, battleship, and the aforementioned Scottie dog at the starting line, or whatever Hasbro calls it now.
In response to the news, cesco7 posted on Facebook “Rules for the new Monopoly cat token.” Anyone who has ever been owned by a cat will appreciate cesco7’s sense of humor.
The cat token rules are:
• Digs into Monopoly board with all claws whenever you try to move it.
• Often attempts to start the game at 3 a.m. when you’re trying to sleep. (Editor’s note: Then goes back to sleep as soon as you’ve set up the board and are wide awake.)
• Disrupts game by running back and forth across board for no apparent reason before wandering off for good and falling asleep on Scrabble.
• Unless fixed will scent-mark houses and hotels until they are all declared unfit for rental.
• Spends a good part of the game jumping in and out of the thimble.
• Suspects game is just one giant ruse to trick it into taking its pill.
• Cat’s moves not determined by dice roll. Chance cards, kissing noises, your increasingly frantic pleas or screaming “I SAID COME OVER HERE RIGHT NOW!” until your voice is gone and your guests have left.
• Stops play dead by hacking up a ball of metal shavings from licking itself.
• Counteracts any attempts to put the top hat token on its head by drawing blood.
• Occasionally walks over to you, lovingly licks your nose, climbs into your lap, and stays there upwards of six hours, effectively kicking you out of the game.
As much as I dislike change when it comes to childhood icons, I can’t say I’m sorry to see the iron go. If I ever play Monopoly again, however, I will stick with my lifelong favorite: the Scottie dog, even though he wouldn’t return my calls.

Jan Hearne is the Press Tempo editor. Reach her at jhearne@johnsoncitypress.com.

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