Articles Celebrations Obituaries

Candles were lit in honor of victims of domestic violence at the annual CHIPS luminary service in Erwin.
(Madison Mathews / Johnson City Press)

A way out: Student presentations illustrate domestic violence, alternatives

By Jim Wozniak
Erwin Bureau Chief
jwozniak@johnsoncitypress.com

 Printer-friendly version

 Email Article

ERWIN – The dinner was not ready quick enough for the husband. Then, it was cold to boot. He was not happy.

“This is the second day in a row,” he screamed. “I told you yesterday, ‘When I get home, my dinner is on the table.’ What have you been doing all day?”

“I’ve been cleaning all day,” she said in a voice that is essentially pleading for him to stop yelling. She tells him their children have been with her all day. He is unswayed.

After multiple incidents of verbal abuse by him of her and their daughters, he took his wife out of the dining room into another area and hit her.

But fortunately, the wife came to understand there is an alternative to this lifestyle – she didn’t have to live in a violent home. With help, she found CHIPS, a domestic violence shelter that serves Unicoi County and other parts of the region. She took her children, went to the shelter and learned that her life can move on.

As an example, the wife drops a pan and abuse doesn’t follow.

That’s one scenario the Unicoi County High School Drama Department presented at a luminary in the Gathering Place park to honor domestic violence victims. Students performed monologues and skits to describe the reality of domestic violence and a person’s perspective on them.

Bonnie Starnes, a senior who played the wife, said it was “very difficult” to play an abused person.

“You have to be able to, in your mind, think something bad has happened to be able to get into that bad a stage,” she said. “You actually feel like it’s real when you’re up there acting it out.”

She hopes people will take from her performance an understanding that domestic violence really happens.

Matt Kyker, a senior who played the husband, said he hopes his performance will cause people to be aware “that there’s a safe place to go to. It’s not OK to be abused. There’s always a way out.”

Of course, domestic violence is not just limited to married couples as another skit showed. It described verbal abuse among teenagers in the dynamic of a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship.

In it, the girlfriend asked her boyfriend about a shirt she bought and he told her it made her look provocative. She said she bought it for him, but he told her she bought it for herself.

Later, they argued about her friends, with him yelling that they tried to convince her that he is not good enough for her.

“The truth is I’m the best (expletive) thing that’s ever happened to you,” he said.

Later, a friend came and asked her what’s wrong. The girlfriend mentioned that her boyfriend is treating her badly, telling her she’s worthless. The girlfriend didn’t know what to do about it.

The friend said they have discussed this situation many times and told her that her boyfriend treats her terribly and cheats on her. Yet, the friend said, the girlfriend sits “there like a dumb little girl that doesn’t know a thing.” The girlfriend denied it, but the friend abandoned her.

Meanwhile, the boyfriend and a friend of his bragged that the boyfriend is in the driver’s seat – that he can do whatever he wants. The girlfriend later learned about the situation and confronted her boyfriend. He got hostile and told her, “You don’t have a right to know anything. I do what I want when I want.”

When she told him she is not allowed to go out with her friends, he told her that she is not faithful to him. She denied it, but he said he has heard things about her. When she suggested breaking up with him, he told her that he is the best thing that has ever happened to her and that no one else will want her.

Carolyn McAmis, CHIPS’ executive director, summarized the 45-minute event by saying domestic violence touches everyone in some way.

“And each one of us has a role to play in stopping domestic violence,” she said. “Action can be as simple as contributing money or clothing to a local shelter or thrift store such as ours, volunteering time to a program that aids victims of abuse, talking to a child about relationship violence, offering support to victims of violence or simply posting materials or posters in a public place.

“My hope is that you leave this place tonight forever changed, that you have a desire in your heart to promote change and to work to help others to know that change is possible.”